wat in the world!

stop thinking you are way above me. jun hay ho fan!!!

cieno and i are supporting each other issues thru webcam and text lately. shes been going thru alot of stress and ive been js going thru weird issues. haha yea , i rather not explain them online. but im so grateful that she has always been there for me .. oh crap.. bye

hopeless

theres SOOOOOOOO much, but i cant jumble it all down here.
i actually dont know what to do any more. im usually not someon who would give up on something i like. but i think it is time for me to just retreat back into my shell with a white flag.
i dont even know where to start..hmmm i know sometimes i need to patient and not be so sensitive, but i have been push to limits. or maybe i am just overthinking everything? blehhh!
i talked to my oppa about it and its great to have someone b there for you when your having a bad time.

i thnk i have gone to the point where i cant cry about it any more. its still cooped up inside of me, but i no longer have the energy to vent, to cry, to release it out. all i can do is pray about it and keep a smile on. i know its fake, but how can i go around frowning at everything. hmm on the bright side, i went to tennis club today. it was really fun. i love being around people who also loves it. it reminds me of my team back in those years. sigh good ol' times!!! i wish i can seriously rewind time. i want to relive moments, i want to redo mistakes, and i want to appreciate what i had. everything is all gone now, and all i can do is think back and tell myself how stupid i am. annyong!!

REUNITED

1. shopping
2. hong kong style bbq with fam/friends
3. ponyo!
4. hike
5. in-n-out
6. cue~
7. crepes *slurp*
8. guppy house :)

chinatown!!!

Ryan Rachel Karen Kevin Nate Michelle ^2
we all went to chinatown for lantern festival . it was really fun. we bought poppers and had dinner @ foo chow (where Rush hour was filmed) then when we wanted to leave.. it started to rain uber hard. karen and kevin stayed bhind while the rest of us ran and walkd in the rain to get the car. it was uber fun!! it feels soo great to laugh and smile that much :D we also went on a kiddie ride and had trouble fitting in.

~ the warmth of your hand makes my heart warm . thank you for being there for me <3

conclusions

just be yourself! thats something i have been telling myself lately.
sometimes i find it ridiculous how some girls try to be someone else just for that "cute" guy in class. if that guy doenst like you, he doenst like you. dont try to force feelings that arent there. your boyfriend or girlfriend should like you for who you are, not what you are posing or trying to be. okay, so you're dorky or not that outgoing or pretty, its okay, you will find someone that will love you for who you are. And when you do find this special someone, you know you are blessed. i am waiting for that special someone to just appear. i know that i cant be someone else, even though at times i wish i was that girl. growing up i was never really content with myself, but lately i have been trying to just be thankful for what God has given me.

Psalms 37:16 A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked.

FCBC Peeps

tonight most of the fcbc ppl hung out. we were gonna go bowling but decided to just chill at derricks place. we first stopped by at albatross to eat some greasy, fatty mexican food. then we hung out at D's place js talking. first it was all about rachels 6 prom dates (5 were rejected) hahaha it was epic!!! lol then we went onto Tims, then elmers,, mines.. and then the final one was DERRICks hahahaha. his was really epic and kdrama. two best friends liking the same girl and him not ending up going to prom with his own girlfriend lol i told them about how __________ waited outside my house.. for a particular dance and stuff. i had so much fun and i screamed so much that i started to get a raspy voice by the end of the night :P

k .. overall its just monday.. and i have been overwhelmed with some weird emotions. sometimes i just want to tell some ppl that i will never be like her.. why cant you just stop playng around. as much as i want to be her, i cant. im michelle. you just have to take someone for who they are and not expect to much. i dont even know where this is going. i ranted to susan about how discontent i was today. i felt that im so disconnected and that i will never be a true girl. no im not sexually confused, but im just really dissapointed in myself. i hate the way i look, i hate the way i act, i just hate me. blehhh.

blehhhhh

HELL WEEK!!! man this week i got chem midterm and bio quiz.. actually not this week. TOMORROW! omgah haha luckily todays chem lab was easy, which takes some weight off my shoulders. lately, something has been really bothering me. i wish i can rewind time and js relive moments. there are so many things in life that i regret doing, so many things i wish that would happen or wouldnt happen. sometimes i just wanna be her, and i hate this feeling because i get so jealous of every little thing. i know no one is perfect but i dont want to be such a fail. i let my chem partner down, i always make mistakes and i keep forgetting small parts that are significant to the lab. i just want to be me and be happy about it. i cant wait till this weekend. i really miss cieno. she understands me and is always there. its soo awesome that we never argue.. or have any akward moments or just weird things. aight, gotta go back to studyingggg >< RAWRRRRRRRR